This is a feature where I have the same 23 questions that I throw at somebody who is at least minorly famous for whatever. Basically, it’s to get a taste of the personality behind the person, which is what interviews are supposed to be. However, mostly interviews just hype you to buy whatever the person being asked questions is selling you, or go see them do whatever they do. I’m not about that. So the questions will always stay the same, and the person will change. If you know anybody semi-famous, or are semi-famous yourself, hit me up, and let’s do anti-business together.
I am making a mental health, let's get drunk in a weird state trip this weekend to Clarksville, Indiana, to see the IWA's Ted Petty Invitational tournament, which hopefully will restore my faith in life, and wrestling as well. I figured the best way to hype myself for this was to get one of the favorites to do the 23 questions. So I hit up the young upstart Chris Hero, who I never knew about till a few months back, and have been impressed. Which doesn't mean anything at all, because I'm just some guy on the Internet. You should always try and remember that. So here you go, Chris Hero and 23 Questions with the Semi-Famous…
Q: Where were you born, and where do you live now?
A: I was born in Dayton, Ohio, and I lived there most all of my life. I moved to Louisville, Kentucky, in October of 2001 with the help of Ian Rotten and come December '01, I found a nice apartment in Clarksville, Indiana. WHIN - Wrestling House INdiana. Thanks Punk.
Q: What does your mom refer to you by?
A: My mom is crazy. She has alllll kinds of nicknames for me. Botchie. Moolah Boolah. Christer. Fuji. Rasputin. Bozz. Don't ask me, she's a crazy woman. Usually she just calls me Chris.
Q: I’ve got this belief that most oddball creative individuals fall under the influence of a “crazy uncle”. In other words, a close family member who can corrupt you without actually having to live with the madness he creates. Who was the crazy uncle in your life?
A: Hmm. I think the craziest influence on me was my mom. She used to take me to Hara Arena to watch WWF every month. Most moms would discourage their kids from watching it and tell em it's fake, but not Momma Hero. She would cheer with me and buy us tickets every month to see the Ultimate Warrior and all the colorful wrestlers of the WWF. She also did other non-mom stuff with me like collect comic books, baseball cards and toys with me when I was young. She has supported me every step of the way and I'm very thankful my mom is and always was so cool.
Q: Who’s the man?
A: JOHNNY FUCKING SAINT is the man. God damn he is so smooth. In the tapes I have, he's like 40-50 years old and 130 pounds (like 10 stones I guess). He looks kinda like Paul Newman and he has some crazy jailhouse lookin' tattoos. He may look like someone's granpappy, but he's graceful and he will kick your ass. I asked Dave Taylor what Saint does nowadays and his response, "Johnny Saint? Well he lives with his mum and drives a fookin' trook!" Craziness. You know, come to think of it, Dave Taylor is the man, too, and I'd be a bastard if I didn't give Tracy Smothers props. Tracy is the COOLEST guy you will ever meet and he'll pull your eyeball out. So much to say, so little time. Toshiaki Kawada is the MAN. He's not too attractive. His body isn't really anything special. He's missing his front teeth and he has a little quasi mullet, but you know what? He's a fucking bad ass. You may look better, have better abs and more teeth, but he will kick yours down your throat. He's just so dedicated, has a huge heart and loves this business. I don't know him, I'll probably never meet him, and he could be the world's biggest asshole for all I know, but I really admire him. I only wish I could be 1% of how good he is.
Q: The perfect woman – what is she fixing you for dinner right now?
A: I don't think the perfect woman exists, but if she did, she'd prolly be fixing some good Thanksgiving food. I know it's lame, but that's all I can think of right now. I'm not really hungry. I do love General Tso's chicken. Hmmm.
Q: What two people have been the biggest influence on what you do?
A: Probably my parents. I've always been closer with my mom and always been at odds with my dad. They're both good people and I just wanna be the best person I can be. Mark Wolf is my best friend and since we've been friends, he's really rubbed off on me. He's very very smart and has introduced me to a different view on life. I'm not as tolerant of ignorance as I once was. Our brains are usually on the exact same wavelength and it's creepy.....in a good way, if that's possible.
Q: At what moment did you feel most like a success at what you are doing?
A: I think I know what I'm doing, but I wouldn't really say I'm a success. I've been really lucky and fortunate to come as far as I have in wrestling. Not that I'm anyone now, but I'm a lot farther than I was 4 years ago working for every shitty untrained indy fed in the midwest. The tables and ladders match with sweet pea was really special. Everyone hitting the ring from the back and everyone in the crowd on their feet was just magical for me. Also, I love teaching. I'm well aware that I don't really know shit, but when I pass on a little knowledge to someone else, and they come back to me and thank me because what I told them to do worked, it gives me an accomplished feeling. I have 5 European students and they ALL make me so proud. I'm going back over first of the year and I'll have a few new ones. I'm really looking forward to it.
Q: What makes someone a “sell-out”?
A: A sell out is someone who changes who they are to catch the eye of someone else. Don't try to be something you're not. If you make yourself unhappy trying to make someone else happy, you, my friend, are a sell out. Be true to yourself because no one else will.
Q: Ideally, if you could just chill and not have a job or bills or any of that shit, where would you settle down at, and why?
A: Anywhere I can wrestle, watch tapes and hang out with friends on a regular basis. I'm pretty happy in Clarksville now, but it'd be nice if I got to see Shirley Doe more often. He's my brother and I love him dearly.
Q: If the World was ending tomorrow, who would you kick it with tonight?
A: Well, I'd like to see my best buds from high school, Jeff and Corey, but I would probably just sit down with Mark Wolf where we can watch the stupid people run around and make fun of them. We usually do that a few times a week, but I'm sure the people would be a LOT stupider with the world ending and all.*
Q: What three songs should they play at your funeral?
A: Man, this is tough. I like a LOT of different songs. I'm gonna be dead anyways, what's it matter to me what songs they play? Let my friends and family get together and figure this shit out.
Q: What book is your Bible? And you can’t pick the Bible.
A: The bible is way overrated. I don't buy into all that. I believe in myself and I don't need a book to tell me what's right and what's wrong. Anyways, I got sidetracked...The book that is my bible hasn't been written yet. It's gonna be the big book about stuff I've learned in wrestling. It's not like a story or anything, just a big book of knowledge I've gained about wrestling. What to do, what not to do, how to do it, why and 100 ways to do it. I'm always writing stuff down and sooner or later it'll add up. Yeah, I know, shitty answer.
Q: Who, in your opinion, is the most evil person alive on the planet today?
A: I think Vince is pretty evil for eliminating territories, monopolizing wrestling and exposing the business. That's not to say I wouldn't work for him because it's almost every wrestler's dream to wrestle for a living. I just wish it were more like the good old days. Where guys had 30 territories to work and almost everyone could work. Not everyone could wrestle, but all those bastards could work their asses off. I long for the return of territories, but who knows if it'll ever come back.
Q: What scares you more than anything else?
A: Whales! I have a weird fear of being stuck in the middle of an ocean. Nowhere to go, no way to survive. I used to have nightmares about being stuck miles underwater and god damn whales swimming towards me. Ahhh! I'd say I have a fear of breaking my ankles again. That shit sucks, and it hurts a lot too.
Q: What’s your favorite t-shirt, and how often do you wear it?
A: I guess the shirt I wear the most is this dark red Gap shirt I have. It has like Japanese/Chinese writing on it and the number 21. Actually I was out one night and some guys wanted to fight me. He was like "Hey 21...yeah you 21, come here." He was really really drunk and he tried to kick me. I caught his foot, threw him on his ass and laughed my ass off. Tracy just gave me one of his shirts a few weeks back. Good stuff. "G is for Jail cause a Thug can't spell."
Q: What would you get tattooed across your fingers if you were getting a LOVE/HATE type tattoo?
A: Um. I'm not a tattoo guy, but I'll steal Mark Wolf's idea. KAYF - ABED. She ain't 100% dead. People wanna believe, I assure you.
Q: If you could be a character from a movie for a day, who would it be, and why?
A: God damn you Mack and your tough questions. I'm sure CM Punk would have a cool ass answer to this question, but I suck so I'll have to think for awhile. I used to think the Beast Master was cool when I was little. But then his ferret dies. Um..I used to dig Spider Man, but that's kinda lame. I guess I'll say Forrest Gump. He did some really cool shit for a retard. Um...did I just say that?
Q: What’s your favorite beer, and what beer have you probably drank the most of in your life?
A: Beer is just not for me. Yah I know I know. I used to drink semi-regularly, but I got really drunk the night before an IWA show once. I got quite sick and the drive down was HELL. I havent gotten drunk since, and haven't cared to drink at all. I've drank way too much Pepsi and Mountain Dew in my lifetime. I love Raspberry Tea and peach flavored crap. Yeah, I'm fruity like that.
Q: What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you while you were drugged up or drunk?
A: I passed out by a toilet once and woke up to my friend Andy pissing into the toilet right by my head. That sucked. I remember puking out of the back of my van in Allentown, Pennsylvania, while Danny Blackheart was driving around alleyways. Most of the bad ribs that have happened to me have happened when I'm just sitting around doing nothing. I've been lucky so far.
Q: What’s your guilty pleasure?
A: I'm a big fat ass so of course my guilty pleasures are things like doughnuts, ice cream, cakes and whatnot. I sit around online a lot and I'm constantly watching tapes. I don't really feel guilty though.
Q: What do you think of the Confederate Mack website or zine?
A: Very entertaining. Someone needs to get you guys some more IWA-MS so I can read more reviews. Keep up the good work.
Q: Fuck all these stupid assed questions. What should I be asking you, and what’s the answer?
A: Are you happy Chris Hero? -- Yes. I'm really happy. I'm very fortunate to be doing something I love. I love the business more and more each day. There's so much to learn and there just isn't anything like it in this world. I'm not happy with my work. I can find a million things to improve, but working on those things is something I enjoy. I hope to always have something to do with wrestling. It's in my blood.
Q: Wrap up everything you believe in one sentence.
A: I believe that you don't have to believe in a God to know right from wrong and if you work hard and do good, you will be rewarded somehow, someway.
Q: Thanks.
A: No prob dude. Hope that was good enough.